How to Talk to Your Partner About a Prenup (Without the Drama)

Look, bringing up a prenup with your partner is probably one of the most awkward conversations you'll ever have. Right up there with “we need to talk about your mother” or “babe, I think we should split the bill differently.”

Your stomach's in knots. Every time you think about saying the words “prenuptial agreement,” you imagine their face falling, the silence stretching out, maybe even the ring coming off.

Here's the thing, though: you're not alone in feeling this way. And more importantly? How to talk to your partner about a prenup doesn't have to end in disaster.

In fact—and I know this sounds counterintuitive—when done right, discussing a prenup can actually bring you closer together.

(I promise, I'm not making this up.)

See, here's what most people don't realize: the prenup conversation itself is actually more valuable than the document. Because what you're really doing is talking about money, goals, fears, and expectations—stuff that way too many couples avoid until it explodes during an argument at 11 PM on a Tuesday.

According to a 2024 survey, 15% of American couples now sign prenups, compared to just 3% in the 1990s. That's a massive shift. And get this: 52% of these conversations are initiated by women, completely flipping the old stereotype that prenups are just for wealthy dudes protecting their assets.

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So yeah, prenups are becoming normal. But that doesn't make bringing up a prenup any easier, does it?

Let me walk you through this.

Why This Conversation Actually Matters (More Than You Think)

Okay, but what's the real purpose of a prenup anyway?

Most people think it's about planning for divorce. And sure, technically, that's part of it. But that's like saying a seatbelt is about planning for a car crash—you're missing the bigger picture.

A prenup is actually about being intentional about your marriage from day one.

It forces you both to sit down and talk about:

• What you're each bringing into the marriage (assets, debts, businesses)
• How you want to handle money during the marriage
• What financial values matter most to each of you
• How you'll protect each other if things go sideways

According recent data from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 63% of couples say the process of creating a prenup actually strengthened their communication. Because suddenly, you're not just picking wedding colors—you're having real, adult conversations about your financial future together.

Here's what happened with one couple I came across: they were both 30, planning a wedding, everything seemed perfect. She casually mentioned wanting a prenup because she had student debt she didn't want to burden him with. Turns out, he'd been thinking the exact same thing about his credit card debt. That prenup conversation led them to discover they had completely different ideas about savings, spending, and financial goals.

Did the prenup conversation create problems? Nope. It revealed problems that were already there, just waiting to explode later.

(Much better to deal with it now, right?)

The modern prenup isn't about one person protecting themselves from the other. It's about both of you protecting each other. From debt. From unfair division of assets. From future conflicts that could tear apart what you're building together.

And honestly? If you can't have this conversation now, when you're madly in love and optimistic about your future, when exactly do you think you'll be able to have it?

Wondering about costs? We break down exactly how much prenups cost in 2025, from DIY options to traditional lawyers.

When to Talk About a Prenup with Your Partner

Okay, but when's the right time to bring this up?

First rule: not three weeks before the wedding.

(I know, seems obvious. But you'd be shocked how many people do this.)

Experts recommend having this conversation at least 6 months before your wedding date. Why? Because your partner needs time to process, you both need time to actually create the agreement, and nobody makes great decisions under pressure.

The best times to start a prenup conversation:

When you're already talking about money stuff. Like when you're discussing the wedding budget, or planning where to live, or talking about combining bank accounts. Slip it in naturally: “Hey, while we're talking about finances, there's something else I've been thinking about…”

During a calm, dedicated conversation. Pick a weekend morning when you're both relaxed, maybe after breakfast, when there's no time pressure. Not when one of you just got home from a stressful day at work, and definitely not during an existing argument about literally anything else.

After you've made some other big relationship decision together. Like deciding to move in, or choosing to get engaged. The prenup conversation fits naturally into that “planning our future” momentum.

Signs this is NOT the right time:

• You're in the middle of a fight
• One of you is stressed about work/family/literally anything
• You're at a social event (please, no)
• It's less than 3 months before the wedding
• You're using it as leverage in another disagreement

Here's the thing: there's never going to be a “perfect” moment where it feels 100% comfortable. But there are definitely moments that are better than others.

And if you're thinking “but we've been engaged for 8 months already, is it too late?”—nope. Better late than never. Just don't wait until you're addressing wedding invitations.

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7 Steps to Actually Start the Prenup Conversation

Alright, let's get into the practical stuff. How do you actually do this without sounding like a paranoid commitment-phobe?

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Step 1: Choose the Right Setting

Private. Calm. No distractions.

Your living room on a Sunday morning? Great. A quiet coffee shop where you can actually hear each other? Perfect. In bed at midnight when you're both exhausted? Terrible idea.

You want dedicated time. Not squeezed between errands. Not during commercial breaks. Real, focused time where you can both be fully present.

And please, for the love of everything, not during a family gathering. Not at the rehearsal dinner. Not in front of literally anyone else.

This is between you two.

Step 2: Lead with Your Emotions, Not Demands

Here's where most people screw this up when asking for a prenup: they make it sound like an ultimatum.

Bad: “We need to get a prenup before we get married.”

Better: “I've been thinking about our future together, and I want to make sure we're protecting each other. Can we talk about financial planning?”

See the difference?

The second approach uses “I feel” statements instead of “you must” demands. It focuses on protection and partnership, not suspicion and control.

Try something like:

• “I feel like we should talk about this because it's important to me that we're both protected…”
• “I want us to be on the same page about money before we get married…”
• “I need to know we've thought through all the financial what-ifs together…”

Your partner can't argue with your feelings. They can argue with demands.

Step 3: Frame It as “Us vs. The Problem”

This isn't you versus your partner. It's both of you versus potential future problems.

Think of it like this: you're both on the same team, and you're building a financial game plan together. The prenup is just part of your playbook.

Use language like:

• “Let's figure this out together”
• “What can we do to protect both of us?”
• “How do we want to handle this as a team?”

One couple I know literally used the phrase “us versus potential future complications.” Made it feel collaborative instead of adversarial.

(Honestly, pretty genius.)

Step 4: Be Transparent About Your Why

Don't be vague. Don't dance around it. Tell them exactly why this matters to you.

Are you protecting a family business? Say that.
Do you have student loans you don't want to burden them with? Explain that.
Did your parents go through a messy divorce and it scarred you? Share that.
Are you inheriting property that needs to stay in your family? Be upfront about it.

Honesty builds trust. Vagueness builds suspicion.

Here's an example of what to say when asking for a prenup: “My dad started a business 30 years ago, and he wants to make sure it stays in the family. I know that might sound cold, but it's not about you—it's about honoring what he built. Can we talk about how to handle this fairly for both of us?”

See? Vulnerable. Honest. Not accusatory.

Step 5: Listen to Their Concerns (Like, Really Listen)

Okay, this is where it gets real.

Your partner is probably going to have feelings about this. Maybe they're hurt. Maybe they're confused. Maybe they think you don't trust them.

Your job is to listen. Not defend. Not interrupt. Listen.

Let them process out loud. Ask questions like:

• “What's your biggest concern about this?”
• “How does this make you feel?”
• “What would make you feel more comfortable?”

And then—and this is crucial—actually address those concerns. Don't dismiss them as irrational. Don't say “you're overreacting.” Their feelings are valid, even if you don't agree with them.

Common concerns you'll hear when discussing prenups with your fiance:

“You don't trust me.” → “I do trust you. This isn't about trust—it's about being prepared for things neither of us can predict. We have car insurance, right? Doesn't mean we plan to crash.”

“It's not romantic.” → “I actually think financial transparency and planning together is one of the most romantic things we can do. We're building a life, not just a wedding.”

“We don't have enough assets to need one.” → “Actually, it's not just about assets. It's about debt protection, too. And making sure we're both clear on financial expectations.”
Our prenup checklist shows you everything couples should consider, regardless of net worth.

Step 6: Explore Options Together

Here's where you move from conversation to action.

The old way? You both take a day off work, sit in some lawyer's stuffy office, pay $8,000 on average, and feel like you're signing divorce papers before you're even married.

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The new way? Thanks to platforms like HelloPrenup, you can create legally valid prenups for $599 instead of paying $5,000+ to traditional lawyers. Even better? You can work on it together from your couch.

Seventy-five percent of users on these platforms are between 18-39 years old, because younger couples get it—this doesn't have to be formal and intimidating.

Suggest working through it together. “Let's explore what this would actually look like for us. We can do it online, take our time, and make sure it works for both of us.”

Making it collaborative takes the sting out of it.

Step 7: Give Them Time to Process

Don't expect an immediate “yes.”

This is big. They need time to think about it, maybe talk to friends or family, definitely sit with their feelings.

Say something like: “I don't need an answer right now. Think about it, and we can talk again this weekend.”

Then follow up. Don't let it turn into the elephant in the room that you both avoid.

Check in: “Hey, have you had time to think about what we discussed? I want to hear your thoughts.”

Patience here is everything. Rushing this will only make them feel pressured, and nobody makes good decisions under pressure.

How to Convince Your Partner a Prenup Is Worth It

Okay, but what if they hit you with the really difficult stuff?

“You don't trust me”

This is probably the #1 objection you'll face.

Your response: “I trust you completely. But trust and planning aren't mutually exclusive. We lock our doors at night, right? Doesn't mean we don't trust our neighbors. It just means we're being smart. This is the same thing—we're being smart about our future together.”

Another angle: “If you got sick, I'd want you to have a will, right? Not because I'm planning for you to die, but because I love you and want to protect what matters. This is the same concept.”

“It's unromantic”

Your response: “I actually think it's incredibly romantic. We're sitting down together, talking about our values, our goals, our fears—that's intimacy. Most couples avoid these conversations until they're screaming at each other. We're choosing to be intentional.”

Or: “Romance is choosing each other every day. And part of that choice is making sure we're both protected and cared for, no matter what happens.”

“We don't have enough assets to need one”

Your response: “It's not just about assets—it's about debt protection, too. If one of us has student loans or credit card debt, a prenup can make sure the other person isn't on the hook for that. And it helps us define our financial roles and expectations now, while we're thinking clearly.”

Plus: “We're going to build assets together. This is about protecting what we're creating, not just what we have now.”

“It means you're planning to leave”

Your response: “Actually, couples who have prenups tend to have slightly lower divorce rates because they communicate better about finances from the start. This is about strengthening our marriage, not planning to end it.”

Be gentle here. This fear is real and deep for some people.

Red Flags: When the Prenup Conversation Goes Wrong

Look, sometimes the conversation reveals bigger problems.

Watch out for these red flags:

They give you ultimatums. “If you love me, you won't make me sign this.” That's manipulation, not communication.

They hide assets. If you discover they've been dishonest about their financial situation, that's a huge problem—prenup or no prenup.

They use pressure tactics. Waiting until right before the wedding to spring this on you, or threatening to cancel the wedding if you don't agree.

The agreement is completely one-sided. A good prenup protects both people. If one person gets everything and the other gets nothing, that's not partnership.

Learn about common prenup mistakes that could invalidate your agreement.

If you're seeing these red flags, you might need to pump the brakes on the wedding itself, not just the prenup conversation.

(Yeah, I know. Not what you want to hear. But better now than after you're legally tied to someone who doesn't respect you.)

What Happens After They Say Yes

Okay, so they're on board. Now what?

First: Celebrate that you just had a really difficult conversation and came out stronger. Seriously. That's huge.

Next: Start the practical process. Rather than sitting across from a lawyer in a formal office, consider starting with HelloPrenup's guided online process. For $599, you both get access to attorney-reviewed templates and can draft the agreement together at your own pace. It's available 24/7, and you can download everything the same day.

Timeline for talking about money before marriage:

• Months 6-4 before wedding: Have initial conversations, explore options
• Months 4-3 before wedding: Start drafting the actual agreement
• Month 3 before wedding: Review with separate lawyers (yes, you each need one)
• Month 2 before wedding: Finalize and sign

Don't rush this. A prenup signed under time pressure can actually be thrown out in court. You want this done right.

What you'll need to discuss:

• What you're each bringing into the marriage
• How you'll handle income during the marriage
• Who pays for what
• How you'll handle debt
• What happens to property you acquire together
• Retirement accounts and investments

Not sure if you need a lawyer at all? Read our guide on creating a prenup without a lawyer to understand your options.

Frequently Asked Questions About Prenup Conversations

How long should I give my partner to think about a prenup?

At least a week, ideally two. You want them to have time to process, maybe talk to people they trust, and come to a decision that feels right—not rushed. The best way to discuss a prenup is to allow space for emotional processing.

Should I bring up a prenup on the first date?

God, no. (Unless you're on a dating app specifically for people who want prenups, which… actually exists now.) Bring it up when you're engaged and planning a future together. Early enough to not be rushed, but not so early it seems presumptuous.

What if my partner absolutely refuses to sign a prenup?

Then you have a decision to make. Is this a dealbreaker for you? If protecting certain assets or debts is non-negotiable, you need to be honest about that. But also ask yourself: why are they refusing? Is it fear? Misunderstanding? Or a fundamental values mismatch?

Can we create a prenup ourselves without a lawyer?

Technically? Maybe. Advisably? No. You need it to be legally valid, which means it needs to meet specific state requirements. Using a platform like HelloPrenup ($599) or working with lawyers (expensive but thorough) is the way to go.

Is it too late to discuss a prenup if we're already engaged?

Nope. You've got time as long as you're at least 3-4 months out from the wedding. If you're inside that window, you'll need to move fast—or consider postponing the wedding to get this done right.

The Bottom Line

Here's the truth: bringing up a prenup with your partner is going to feel awkward. There's no way around that.

But here's what most people don't realize: the couples who have these tough conversations early? They're the ones who build stronger marriages. Because they've practiced communicating about hard stuff. They've proven they can disagree and still work together. They've shown each other that they can be vulnerable and honest.

The prenup conversation is less about the document and more about the partnership.

So yeah, it's scary. Yeah, your partner might be surprised or hurt at first. But if you approach it with empathy, transparency, and a genuine desire to protect both of you? Most partners come around.

And if they don't? Well, that tells you something important too.

Ready to start the conversation? HelloPrenup makes it easy to explore your options together, on your own timeline. For $599, you get everything you need to create a legally valid prenup—no awkward lawyer meetings required. Plus, you can work on it side-by-side from anywhere.

You've got this. And honestly? Your future selves will thank you for having this conversation now.